I Remember.

Oh...
Remember...
Oh, I remember...
I wanna know...

Where were you when I said I loved you?
And where were you when I cried at night?
Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you.
Thinking of all the times we shared.

[Chorus:]
I remember when my heart broke.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn't take no more of you.
I was sad and lonely.
I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I screamed I hated you.
But somehow deep inside still loving you.
Sad and lonely.

No one knew all the pain I went through.
All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.
Didn't know where I would go, where I would be.
But you made me leave.
And plus my heart it just, it just kept telling me so.

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
There was nowhere else to go, oh.
Nobody else to turn to, no.
For the rest of my life, I promised myself I will love me first genuinely.

[Chorus]

I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn't take no more of you.
So sad and lonely, hey.
I remember when I stormed out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
I was sad and lonely.

:(

it has been more than a week now.

since i last see him.

there are many times i feel that i'm thinking of him more than he thinks of me.

and that i missed him 10 times more than the other way round.

sigh.

anyone reading this would have the obvious answer...

that maybe he doesn't like u that much.

i know.

i always know that there is that possibility.

then why am i continuing this?

i hate being in this position.

yet loving the moments when we are together.

i know, i'm contradicting myself.

sigh.

Live Life

i'm sure that every one of u have heard of the phrase: live life.

to me, what it really means that u have to enjoy the moment of life that u're currently at.

don't think or worry what the future turns out.

i think that's the best way to really live life.

there's a huge possibility that i may be hurt at the end.

but then, at the end of the day, i'm sure i'll be alright.

so...for now, i just want to live life.

enjoy the moment.

i'll leave the future for the future me to worry.

u said u want me.

and i know i want u.

yet u ask me not to fall for u.

so what do u want from me?

How Long More?

for the past few weeks, i had been asking myself.

over and over again.

is this the position i want to be in?

do i really want to be like this?

how long can i withstand this?

i guess only time can tell me.

Holding On.

it has been quite some time since i last blog.

lately, i don't feel like myself.

i don't know why.

why am i holding onto something that i know will never work out?

it's like trying desperately to grab the air.

something that u can never get hold of.

am i that desperate until i'm being someone that i'm not?

why is my emotions overtaking my rationality?

amongst my friends, i was said to be the rational one.

yet, being apart from them...i ended up being irrational.

sigh.

so close.

every Thursday, i'll have class in Lincoln's Inn at 4pm and the nearest tube station is Holborn.

and today, i drag my arse off from my warm and cosy room and make my way to the tube station to head to class.

coincidentally, my flatmate,Nok is heading there too, so we went there together and chatting happily.

class ended at 6pm, and i decided to head to Waterstone bookshop to purchase a textbook and a statute book.

then about 645pm, i walked back to Holborn station.

everything seem fine and nothing seems out of place.

i reached home, and going to the kitchen to cook some dinner and bumped into Nok.

and she asked me whether i see anything happened near Holborn station.

she told me that she saw many people were running away, and was ushered away by the policemen.

there were many police and ambulance there too.

but, i was completely unaware of such things.

i thought maybe there was some strike or riot.

until just now, my another flatmate, Wing...told me and Nok that bombs were found around Holborn station.

and she was stuck in another station for 1 hour plus because the tube service was delayed, but they weren't given any reason at that time.

i look at BBC News, and nothing was reported on this.

however, there were many other forums where the public said that the bomb was either inside or outside Metro Bank, which was located opposite of Holborn Station.

i don't even know how i was feeling.

this is like the 1st time in my life that i'm so close to almost-death-situation.

Nok was near the station about 530pm.

what would happen if i were to be late for class? or i didn't go to the bookshop?

the source of it, until now, remains unidentifiable.

is it terrorist attack?

i'm not sure.

it's impossible for us to avoid using the tube, as that is the only way we travel to class.

and the bus may not necessarily be the safest choice, since last year...7/7, a bus was bombed too.

sigh.

Settling down.

finally, after being here for almost a month, i think i'm starting to settle down.

all the hatred i had for this place, starts to diminish away...

and, of course i manage to make some new friends.

i still can't say i love it here yet. but i won't know what will happen in a few months time.

Annabel and I in Buckingham Palace.

She's my best mate here.I'm glad to have her, as I know I can always count on her.

Ying, Nok & Annabel. Enjoying Korean cuisine!

in Portobello Market.

Zack-who lives in the same hall as me.

A very funny guy.

in Camden Town.

Yuji-a very reliable friend!

Guy - one of the most traditional guy I met!

classes have officially started as well. everyone had made their module selection. there are many readings to do, but so far...i'm quite enjoying it. and i'm quite comfortable into going back to English cases and English legal terms!

: D

one thing i hate about results is the uncertainty of the exact date of release.

it was rumored to be released 3 weeks ago, then 2 weeks ago, and it usually falls on a monday.

so, just imagine, me now being in London, with 7hours difference...i can barely sleep on Sunday night. waiting for my daddy's call!

and finally, my results were released last monday.

well, the good news is...I PASSED!

the bad news is, well...it's not a good passing marks.

it's kind of weird to be in the bottom this time.

i mean, for the last 4 years, not that i want to show off...

but, somehow i manage to stay at least top 10.

and, when my daddy told me my results...

my 1st question was, "are u disappointed?"

i really don't want to disappoint my parents.

but, i think my parents understand the difficulty in passing the CLP.

since the percentage of students passing the exam on their 1st attempt is extremely low.

so, i can start chambering once i'm back in kl!

and, i feel very sad for my coursemates who didn't get through.

especially those that i know always work hard for their studies.

it just shows that our results doesn't reflect our effort.

sigh.

3rd Week.

well, it's already my 3rd week here.

how am i feeling?

i guess, i'm feeling much better than the last 2 weeks.

starting to get used to climbing up the bloody stairs to reach my warm room.

used to my small cosy room.

getting smashed in the tube, especially in the morning.

and also the tremendous amount of walking i need to do.

oh ya, and the horrible rainy weather in London.

but it's still hard for me to fall asleep at most of the times, because it's quite noisy even though it's already 1-2am.

class had started about a week now,

and...i'm quite decided with my taught modules,

there's still some uncertainties with my audit course for dissertation.

i'm not sure whether i'm fit to do a dissertation on feminist legal theory,

nontheless...i'll take it as a whole new challenge and attempt it.

it's just 15,000 words....right?

there's no place like home.

i can still remember, roughly about one month before i left for London, i went for a pre-departure talk organised by the British Council...and the speaker mentioned that there are 3 stages of so-called cultural shock one would experience when they study in a foreign place.

the 1st 3 months, everything would be wonderful and beautiful as they are experiencing something new.

the 2nd stage is where one would start 'hating' that place, comparing it with their home country and thinking that there is never a place like home.

and the final stage, is when they start to accept that particular place for what it is.

i'm only in london for a week...however, i already realised that there is definitely NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

it's not that i'm homesick or anything, just that... i can't really describe what i'm really feeling right now.

i think i'm friend-sick more than homesick.

sigh.

Thank you, for being there.

in about 3 days time, i'll be leaving my home country.

i'll be going to London, to further my studies.

i've no idea how to describe the way i feel now.

i do feel excited about the prospect of a new challenge, new life...well, basically new everything.

no doubt that there will be anxiety as well.

to adapt to a totally new surroundings, people and culture.

not to mention that this would be my 1st time to be really on my own, without my family.

the idea of my parents not being just next door,

or my sister wouldn't be a phone call away...

really scares me sometimes.

although it's just one year...but many things can happen or change in a year's time.

not to mention that i wont be coming back for any break within that one year time.

i'm worried that the people whom i close to for so, so many years may change,

my several close friends especially.

or i myself may be different.

this i know is inevitable.

but the question is whether we can accept each others' changes.

all of this remains a puzzle to me.

for the whole of Aug and Sept,

many of my friends did take the effort to meet up with me.

to wish me best of luck and to say their goodbyes.

i really appreciate their efforts, especially those whom i can rarely see.

it touched me so much, to know that, somewhere in their heart, i am somewhat important.

i really cherish the past month a lot

and i'm sure that this would be an encouraging factor to me whilst i am alone there.

thank you, everyone!

Heart 'em!

heart my baby girls.

Universal Studio,Singapore

280810

FML!

i wish i am a guy.

sometimes, i just wish i am a guy.

why?

because,i can just ask any hot and sexy girl out there for a date.

i know, that there's nothing wrong for a girl to ask a guy out.

but then again, how often that happens?

usually it's the so-called guy's role to do the asking.

PLUS, it hurts the girl's ego more if she's being rejected compared to a guy.

not only that, even if the girl did ask the guy out,

just imagine, the normal reaction one will get:

"harhh...the girl actually asked the guy out ar?"

"yerr...she so cheapskate?"

"huhhh.... so desperate?"

see how unfair is it being a girl?

at this point of time, i'm sure many of my college mates would be either busy with doing attachments, working part time or started looking for firms they would want to chamber with.

and me?

i'm now busy packing and preparing myself to start a new and different lifestyle.

there are still times where i do hesitate about my decision.

as i would be at least one year behind my peers in terms of practical experience.

but this is the opportunity that i'll have to take and willing to risk and of course to stick to it, no matter what.

in about 2 weeks time, i'll be leaving my beloved home country.

i'll definitely miss home,family and friends.

but at the same time, i can't wait for a new challenge.

One more month.

i havent been blogging for more than 2 weeks despite being on holiday now!

when i'm suppose to be even more free than during my exams period.

really, i blogged even more consistently when i'm suppose to be busy studying for exams.

anyways, as i mentioned before, August will be a super busy month for me.

it's filled with trips and spending quality time with my family and friends.

last 2 weeks i was in Bangkok with my college friends,

and spent my previous weekend in Penang with wendy and catherine.

this coming weekend, i'll be heading down south (Batu Pahat) to spend a few days with my grandparents.

i'm so going to miss them as i wont be seeing them next Chinese New Year.. ) :

to be completely honest, i'm feeling a bit reluctant.

reluctant to go off to a place totally foreign to me

and only have myself to accompany me,

to a place where my friends and family are thousand miles away.

yes, i know i sound very immature and childish here.

ppl may think that i'm an independent girl.

but deep down inside me, i don't think i can ever live alone.

i am excited about the prospect of going to London to study.

but the mere idea of my friends will no longer be 5-10mins drive from me...

or my daddy and mummy being just next door...

kind of freak me out.

i know that i should focus on the positive stuff

instead of feeding myself with those negative thoughts.

during our final night in Bangkok.

at Crystal Grill Restaurant (Baiyoke Sky Hotel)

in Penang. (:

just one more month from today...

Tidak Apa-lah.

more often than not, we always find Malaysians themselves complaining about the "Malaysian attitude"; infamously--

our tardiness and our "tidak apa" attitude.

little did we realised that, the ones that complained actually had the same attitude as well.

it's ironic when one complained about the way Malaysians work, yet they themselves possesses the same attitude.

i have to admit that by majority, we have this "tidak apa" attitude.

it's like, if it's none of my business, then i'll just take my own sweet time to do it for u.

but somehow people always tend to complain and make it public.

but when it comes to praises or giving credit, it was seldom made public.

we only remember to tell when something bad happened, but when things were done efficiently for us, we would take it as "well, it's their job anyway" .

well, i find this amusing.

August!

it has been a week since exam ended

yet it felt like i had been on holidays for weeks!

july is coming to an end already.

i know it sounds like a cliche,

but TIME REALLY FLIES!

and i'm very sure that my august will end in a blink of an eye.

to me,

the month of august would be all about saying my goodbyes.

farewells.

trips.

parties.

it's going to be a wonderful, blissful month.

no worries about studies nor exams.

i'm so going to LOVE my month of august!

Finally!

Finalllly!

i'm done and over with my CLP exams!

whether i'll pass or fail...i'll just leave it to God.

if i have the choice, of course i would want to pass this exams.

honestly, i can't imagine re-doing all 5 papers all over again.

the mere thought of it, just freaks me out.

sigh.

but there is nothing i can do, but wait.

and leave everything to God.

i'm really looking forward for my LOOOOONG holidays!

i'm looking forward for my Bkk trip coming Aug with my college mates;

Singapore trip with my dear darlings babies -- Jan,Teng,Nie;

a few days with my grandparents in Batu Pahat;

partying as much as possible with my darling babies and friends;

and of course spending loads of time with my beloved family

for the next 2 months.

i am going to miss everyone!!!

It just slips off my mind...

today, we had Professional Practice paper.

i'm quite sure that most of us would regard this as the killer paper.

reason being there are just so,so much to study and to memorise.

what makes it irksome is that it squeezes 5 subjects into one paper (i know i keep repeating this, but i just can't help myself!) and for 2 subjects, only one question each would come out.

so, imagine...the entire law on Bankruptcy/Winding up, only one question.

if that question is on a particular area that u're not very familiar with, then you're screwed.

and today, i realised that...no matter how much or how well i tried to memorise prior to the exams, somehow...something will just slip off my mind.

i am quite mad with myself for leaving out some issues today in my Bankruptcy and Probate question [there's no question on Winding up!! ): ]

and for my ethics? despite memorising those Rules, i can't remember the rule number. just the law. i am unable to cite the Rules number.

sigh. no point fretting about it now.

what's done is done.

now, i have to focus on my final paper on weds -- Evidence!

Exams, oh exams!

another paper done today--Criminal Procedure.

honestly speaking, when i was revising and memorising for the past few weeks, Criminal Procedure was the subject that i worried the least.

reason being the past year exam questions had been quite straightforward.

however, after today's paper...

comparing with my previous two, i felt that the previous two were done better than today's.

the questions where i know what they are asking, i just simply can't remember.

i don't know why.

despite hours of memorising. sigh.

i really envy those with super-good memory.

there are two part questions that i am quite sure went down the drain already.

sigh.

worry.worry.worrrry.

well, 2 more papers and i'll be DONE!

...........................................................................................................................

after dinner, i received a text from baby teng, asking me when my exam will end.

i replied, saying next weds and asking her why?

her sister--chyn is leaving for Adelaide on Sunday and she's throwing a surprise farewell party at The Library.

sigh.

i was so, so, so tempted to go.

i haven seen chyn for ages and she'll be leaving this Sunday! ):

sigh.

loads of sacrifices were made (well, socially. lol) for this CLP exams,

please made it worth sacrificing!

...........................................................................................................................

Silly Mistakes.

after so many years of studying, i realised that the main key to score well in exams is to stay calm and focus during the exams.

especially in those for those subjects which are wholly exam based. for the past 5 years, be it for my A Levels, LLB and now CLP, it's all exam based.

therefore, whether we pass or fail that paper would depend on the crucial 3 hours exam for each paper.

of course one has to study and prepare well before the exam.

but in exam conditions, many other factors may affect one's ability to do well.

time management is crucial too.

sometimes when you are just too excited to finish each question within the time limit, silly mistakes were made.

that was what happened to me today.

i screwed up badly for my Tort Statement of Claim.

despite reading the question carefully and being able to identify the place to be Kuantan, Pahang...i wrote Kuala Lumpur instead.

this is what happens when most of the past year questions i did was in KL.

and i missed out the whole introductory paragraph in relation to the Plaintiff's capacity. i started off immediately with the facts of the case.

i was halfway through my statement of claim when i realised my omission.

thank goodness Tort was the 1st question i did.

i finished it up anyhow and started off with my Contract question.

and the answers are not so lengthy and i had the extra time to re-write my entire Tort SOC. which was a huge relief.

it was a really silly mistake that was made, but such silly mistakes may cost me a lot of marks.

i had some other classmates which made mistakes, mistakes not on the point of law, but mainly the citation of statute.

it's just horrible to lose marks because of such mistakes.

sigh.

2 papers down, 3 more to go.

the third paper - Criminal Procedure would be on this Friday.

next week papers--

Professional Practice, is a KILLER paper. 5 subjects squeezed into one paper. 5 essay questions to be answered within 3 hours. only one statute book allowed. whether we score, pass or fail...would based a lot on how much we're able to remember.

Evidence is our final paper. amongst all subjects, i like studying Evidence the most...but the problem would be answering questions. as the questions tend to be tricky and once the wrong issue is identified, then SCREWED.

sigh.

im really looking forward to next weds. that would be our final paper...

and I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANOTHER TIME! ! ! ! !

One Down, Four To Go.

finally, one paper down, four more to go!

well, i am not sure how well i did for this paper.

it's quite doable although i don't have the 100% confidence.

i know that i can do better,

there are some cases which i can't recall the name.

and there are definitely some points i missed.

but what is done is done.

i did my best at that particular time.

i felt quite weird in this exam,

since we are always advised not to write too much

keep it short and simple

which is so different from all my LLB papers.

it's weird because, i think this is the 1st time i didn't request for an additional booklet.

i didn't even finish the 1st booklet that was given.

well, now i'll have to focus on my next four papers!

Don't Be Anxious.

i wasnt until today that i realised that i can't handle obstacles well.

instead of remaining calm and try to solve the problem,

i will be anxious about it until the obstacles are overcome.

today i went to pick up my passport which was submitted for my visa application.

i was told that it's ready for collection,

and i wasn't actually informed whether my application was approved or refused.

when i was given the envelope containing my documents,

the first thing i checked was my passport.

and i realised that there is no visa attached inside there.

and i was like "hey...wait a minute....."

so i dig deeper into the envelop.

then only i saw the letter, stating that my entry was refused.

ok.

first, i was shocked.

because, honestly speaking...i didn't expect this at all.

i tripled checked everything that is needed.

so i thought it was the evidence of maintenance part that screwed me up...

then i read further to see the reason for refusal.

it was stated that the reason was because the transcript i submitted was not original.

at that time, i really freaked out, cause it was the exact same transcript which i received from UOL that i submit to them, and there was a seal on the 2nd page.

immediately, i fill up the administrative review form and submit back the same transcript, explaining that that document was sent by UOL and it is indeed original, evident by the seal mark at page 2.

although i did all that i could at that moment, and i have to wait for their answer...

i can't help feeling very extremely anxious.

exams will be next monday and it will last for about 1 1/2 weeks.

i keep worrying myself by asking...

what if i need to submit my passport sometime next week?

what if my application for review is again denied?

then i have to wait until after exam...

then, what about my bkk trip?

what about the money in the fix deposit? it means that my dad has to extend it, and....it's by no means a small amount!

sigh.

i know that there is nothing i can do other than to wait for the decision.

yet i keep worry.

i have to keep reminding myself, not to feel anxious. just submit everything to God.

Procrastinating.

exams are just 8 days away. there are still loads for me to memorise.

yet my brain can't seem to absorb anymore.

i was staring at the same page for hours, somehow...i can't register any of it.

is it really possible that human's brain can be overloaded?

well, scientifically speaking, i guess the answer would be no.

i just don't have the motivation to memorise any of it.

i know that, to have motivation to do one thing, u have to have the passion for it.

this is what i always had, for the last 3 years whilst i was studying for my degree.

i studied, not only for exams, but i took the extra miles. i am willing to do the extra research not only for exam purpose but because i myself wanted to know more on that subject matter.

but now?

academically speaking, this is the final step.

the final step before i achieved what i wanted since 15.

yet, i felt like i had moved 10 steps backwards.

i am so de-motivated.

there is no passion in this at all.

i felt so useless.

i am probably just procrastinating.

i am probably just too lazy.

why do people procrastinate?

when they know that at the end of the day, they are just fucking themselves up?

that's what i am doing now.

if i dont bloody buck up now, i'll fucked myself up.

i'm a nerd.

i feel like a total nerd lately.

i'm doing nth but memorising.

memorising all that can go into my tiny brain.

i can't even remember the last time i went out with my friends.

the last time i had a good laugh.

i can't wait for my exams to be OVER.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

11 Days to go.

11 days more. then my CLP exams will commence.

no words that can be used to describe what i am feeling now.

anxiousness, is underrated.

so many cases and sections and rules are not memorised yet.

i am not good enough.

for the past week, i had been busy memorising for my upcoming exams and also busy compiling all my supporting documents for my visa application, which i have to hand it in tomorrow.

at the same time, i'm still waiting, quite anxiously for 2 emails from my new uni.

at or about 1130pm, i just woke up from a short nap, on my pc and log into my email account.

and i saw that there were many unread emails in my inbox, and the 1st email...was one of the email that i had been waiting for.

and.

i received a bad news.

my scholarship application had been rejected.

i felt very disappointed.

not only that my dad has to pay my full course fee, but to know that i am not good enough as well.

not good enough.

God is Love.

in about less than 3 weeks, i would be facing my CLP examinations.

12.07 - Civil Procedure

14.07 - General Paper

16.07 - Criminal Procedure

19.07 - Professional Practice

21.07 - Evidence

it seems so easy, just 5 papers. hell yeah, but in actual fact we studied 10 subjects, for about 10 months?

the stress is building up.

there were times i just feel like shouting out loud.

i feel like crying. i even feel like i'm going to puke.

but at times like this, i really have to calm down.

and i have to say that, it's God that keeps me going.

since my Inter years, there are a few God's words that keeps me going.

that i repeated to myself whenever i feel like i'm facing difficulty or when i'm stuck.

it got me through my previous exams.

and i know that it will get me through, for my exams in few weeks times.

"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God" (Philippians 4:6)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt" (James 1:5-6)

Never Satisfied.

it's human nature that we're never satisfied with what we have now.

when you bought an Iphone 3G, you felt that you're with the "in" group.

then now with the new Iphone4 launching, you feel the need to own it too.

that's how humans are.

we're never satisfied with what we have.

even if we manage to obtain it,

somehow, in future...u would realised that it's either not good enough,

or u get bored with it.

Lyrics of the songs i love.

very recently, i started to love MayDay songs. it was actually since 5th june. after attending their concert, i just can't stop listening to their songs and getting to know more information about that band (from Wendy, and any English websites which feature them, which honestly speaking, quite limited)

thanks so Wendy, she sent me many of their songs. and i have to say that i love most of their songs, but there are two that i super-love now!

拥抱

脱下长日的假面 奔向梦幻的强界
南瓜马车的午夜 换上童话的玻璃鞋
让我享受这感觉 我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味 纷乱世界的不了解
昨天太近 明天太远 默默聆听那黑夜
晚风吻尽 荷花叶 任我醉倒在池边
等你清楚看见我的美 月光晒干眼泪
那一个人 爱我
将我的手 紧握
抱紧我 吻我 喔 爱 别走
隐藏自己的疲倦 表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野 找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言 就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借 就算那爱已如潮水

溫柔

走在風中 今天陽光 突然好溫柔
天的溫柔 地的溫柔 像你抱著我
然後發現 你的改變 孤單的今後
如果冷 該怎麼渡過
天邊風光 身邊的我 都不在你眼中
你的眼中 藏著什麼 我從來都不懂
沒有關係 你的世界 就讓你擁有
不打擾是我的溫柔
不知道 不明了 不想要 為什麼 我的心
明明是想靠近 卻孤單到黎明
不知道 不明了 不想要 為什麼 我的心
那愛情的綺麗 總是在孤單里
再把我的最好的愛給你
不知不覺 不情不愿 又到巷子口
我沒有哭 也沒有笑 因為這是夢
沒有預兆 沒有理由 你真的都說過
如果有就讓你自由 自由 這是我的溫柔

0640

it's now 640am.

yet, i am unable to sleep.

reason being, i slept at 12am for four hours.

an intended short nap ended up to be a long one.

my sleeping time had been reversed now.

this always happens few weeks prior to exams.

i am mentally tired.

tired of loading all the informations into my tiny brain.

there is simply no motivation in studying.

was it because i just hate what i'm studying now?

or was it because,

there is no one to share my frustration in studies like before.

the people that walked into and out of life, are changing.

Meeting Expectations.

there were many times where i questioned myself, am i doing what i am currently doing, or is it because people around me expects me to do this?

don't get me wrong, i am now pursuing what i wanted since 15. for the last 4 years, i am happy to say that i am enjoying what i was doing.

but, for the past 10months, i only enjoy half of what i am doing. unfortunately for me, this is one of the thing that i have to go through in order for me to achieve my dreams.

why am i working so damn hard for something that i dislike?

why am i still awake at 635 in the morning,fretting over questions that i can't answer wholly. and attempt to cover as many past year questions as possible.

am i doing this to just pass the exam? or to get good results and make my daddy proud and meet everyone's expectations on me or to make myself feel proud?

it's quite hard for me sometimes. to me, it's like if i didn't score well or if i fail, i sometimes feel as though the disappointment may not arise due to the failure itself, rather is that i failed to meet the expectations, what more exceeding those expectations.

in a way, it may be a motivating factor as well. for me to just continue studying, revising, memorising.