Desperate Me.

i am suppose to be completing a 1000 words essay for a personal statement. i am suppose to email it 2 weeks before chinese new year. i spent hours staring at the keyboard, staring at the monitor. i have to no idea what to write, yet i am so, so, so desperate for the scholarship. they are only giving out 3 for international students...what are my chances?

i know, i shouldn't be spending time blogging here, i shouldn't be worrying about being rejected, rather to focus on that personal statement.
but, i'm really scared. nervous. of being rejected.

because, if i am...it will costs my dad and my family a lot. i am definitely not from a rich family, i would say slightly better than average. my dad works hard for us. he started planning and saving on our education since we were born. but sometimes, money can never be enough. i know my dad agrees to support me financially and he's being very supportive and very proud of my being offer a place. i'm proud to be able to make him proud of me.

all of these makes me even more desperate for that award.

i think, this would be the thing that i wanted so bad, so desperately...till the extent that other problems in my life now seems so irrelevant, seems so minor.

i am so damn desperate now!

it's 1.45am. im tired and sleepy. yet i havent bath, i havent removed my makeup. i just feel like snuggling into my comforter. but something is keeping me awake. something that's nagging me inside my head. i know what's the correct thing to do. i mean, everyone knows what is the correct thing to do, the correct choices...but it's the weak one that made their emotions take over them. and that must not happen to me. yet i can't stop myself from aching.

sigh.

well, for the entire week...been seriously lacking sleep. i had been so damn UNproductive, i'm not done with my application, sth which i planned to send in last week. i barely studied. it's CNY soon and i havent clear my room yet. wellll; so long im comfortable with it...who cares?! besides, i'll be heading back to BatuPahat tmr, leaving at SIX in the morning. sigh. so much of 12 hours sleep. i cant even rmbr the last time i DONT need to wake up at like 5 sth in the morning. sigh. . . .

i know that whatever i'm blogging now doesnt really make sense. at first i seem to be going through some emotional problem, and on the other side i'm blabbing on whatever i had done this week. my mind is not right now.

guess i better go to bed. ohya, bathe 1st.

well, whoever is reading this....

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

WISH ALL OF YOU A PROSPEROUS TIGER YEAR!

I think, I'm Fallin' For You.

Lyrics | Colbie Caillat lyrics - Fallin' For You lyrics

I Know.

i felt like i havent blog for ages, but when i look back at my last post, i realised that it was like just 2 days ago. maybe it's because that there a lots of things that are locked up inside my mind,my heart yet i can't seem to find the time to express it out.

my workload in office is getting more, i think i'm starting to get used to it. although for the past few weeks, my boss only asked me to do research on case law and sometimes he will ask my opinion on some particular issues in his case, it is only about this week that i felt really involve in this one particular case. my boss asked me to draft a submission for him, and since it's my 1st time doing it, i don't even know what it is! thank goodness phang is there to help me. i need to re-draft several time, and he has to edit it a few times before it even amounts to a proper submission. i did it in a real hurry, it's like the hearing is tomorrow and i submit it to my boss at about 630pm the day before.

this is a whole new learning process to me. and i'm glad that i'm actually learning all of these before i start chambering. but i know that i'm actually lucky that i'm given an opportunity to do all of these, because i know some of my friends that did attachment that wouldn't have such opportunities.

and today, my boss asked me to do another submission too. and this time, i hope i would make lesser mistakes.

sometimes i felt really stupid and small when i speak to my boss, it's like the knowledge he has is so overwhelming that i felt like a small ant. although it has been a month, i'll still feel very nervous whenever he called me into his room. due to this, when there were times where he asked me for my opinion, or ask me how to argue it out...somehow, i can feel pride surging through me, it's as though my opinion matters. but of course, if my opinion is so-not-relevant, well...i'll feel even smaller than a small ant.

all i can say for now is that i'm sure that the choices i made for the past few years is on its right path.

i know that law is my route.
i know that i want to practise.
i know that there would be more exciting part than boring part.
i know that it will be a never-ending learning process.
i learned something new everyday. it may be interesting, and some is boring. but at least i'm learning, and that definitely counts for something.

Road Trip to K.Selangor - Paddy Field, Beach, Seafood & Great Company!

last saturday, my bunch of CLP mates decided to head down to K.Selangor for a road trip and seafood dinner. one night before the trip, me and jilly were still contemplating whether we want to go or not, since we're so damn broke and tired...but our final decision--quite obvious lah. hehehee.

we all meet up around ATC, then chelsea and seetlong drove down to k.selangor. the journey took us about 1 1/2 hours.

on our way, we pass by this huge "ladang kelapa sawit"

once we arrived k.selangor, we stopped at the paddy field. since zizi insisted of taking pics there! but i have to say, i'm glad we did cos we took loads of pics there and had lots of fun!

the world is so beautiful, ain't it?

total - 9 of us. i'm not sure who is who..but there were - me,jilly,zizi, sarahkate, jenn, chelsea, lihong, seetlong and tony.


the girls.

trying to reach for the sky!

KungFu Act by-Sarah Kate, Tony, LiHong, SeetLong.

we were at the paddy field for more than one hour! it's amazing how we can spend such a long time just to take pics. not to mention that it was so freaking HOT!

our next stop - the beach. if i'm not mistaken, the name of that beach is pantai redang! it's really ironic cos..well, it's the total opposite of pulau redang.

although it's not as beautiful as pulau redang, but...sunsets, especially at the beach always catches my breath away.

especially in such situation, im quite sad to say that those 3 are my friends! LOL!

Jenn,me,Jilly,Zizi,Chelsea and SarahKate. (:

we just love to pose!

All of us!

You wouldn't know how much energy was needed to just take pics! we were alll so-damn-hungry!!! head down to the seafood restaurants area, and we decided on RiverView.

Quickly ordered our food.

i seriously cant rmbr what was our exact order, i know we had prawn,crabs,fish,vegie and chicken.

feeling soooo satisfied after our meal!

well, i'm glad to had decided to go with them. i had loads of fun with all of them. if someone would've ask me to go to the paddy field, i'll find it really boring. but then, really..it depends on whom u're going with. with this bunch of crazy and fun-filled gang, going anywhere wouldn't be boring! (:

Think and Reason Like A Man.

sometimes i really wish that i can think and reason like a man.

especially when i'm having an emotional conflict.

men will just cast everything aside.

not think about it.

not to be emotional.

to not care.

but, somehow i just can't do that.

it's hard to just pretend that i don't care.

to pretend that it doesn't matter anymore.

where in actual fact, i still care because i realised that i'm nevertheless emotionally affected in some way.

so, how and what should i do?

i want to care, but i can't help feeling prejudicial against that person. i find it really, really hard to cast that prejudice away.

i want to ask, but my voicebox is unable to function.

if i can think like a man, then i wouldn't have such emotional conflicts. how i envy them now.