there were many times where i questioned myself, am i doing what i am currently doing, or is it because people around me expects me to do this?
don't get me wrong, i am now pursuing what i wanted since 15. for the last 4 years, i am happy to say that i am enjoying what i was doing.
but, for the past 10months, i only enjoy half of what i am doing. unfortunately for me, this is one of the thing that i have to go through in order for me to achieve my dreams.
why am i working so damn hard for something that i dislike?
why am i still awake at 635 in the morning,fretting over questions that i can't answer wholly. and attempt to cover as many past year questions as possible.
am i doing this to just pass the exam? or to get good results and make my daddy proud and meet everyone's expectations on me or to make myself feel proud?
it's quite hard for me sometimes. to me, it's like if i didn't score well or if i fail, i sometimes feel as though the disappointment may not arise due to the failure itself, rather is that i failed to meet the expectations, what more exceeding those expectations.
in a way, it may be a motivating factor as well. for me to just continue studying, revising, memorising.
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