The Taste of Losing.

i have to admit that i'm the type of person that can accept losing easily. maybe throughout these years, i didn't really face situation where i truly felt that i'm totally losing out. for the past 5 years, i'm quite socially active. i hang out often with my friends. i had a permanent part time job which can support my occasional yamcha sessions, clubs, birthday celebrations and pubs. i did fairly well for my education, in fact...i'm proud to say that i had finally finished my degree programme. :) it was part of my "kiasu-ness" and the fact that i need to "keep face" that kind of motivated me to study harder as well. (of course i love what i'm studying as well lah..)

but lately, my self-confidence had kind of shattered. i realised that, maybe i'm not as good as i always i thought. i finally had a real taste of losing, and it's not sweet at all. i keep asking myself, what is lacking in me? wasn't i good enough? i did a lot of self-reflection, and there is only one possible conclusion, i'm just now good enough. nothing complicated.

although i felt slightly bitter, but i'm going to take it as a lesson to learn. there are many parts of me that needs improvement.

there's still so, so, so much for me to learn.

and today, we had our 1st lectures on ethics. in a way, it inspires me to go into litigation even more. and it really changes my initial perception towards practitioners. it just shows how naive i was. and, really..it's a non-stop learning process. i'm already now looking forward to the day to be called! :)