Desperate Me.

i am suppose to be completing a 1000 words essay for a personal statement. i am suppose to email it 2 weeks before chinese new year. i spent hours staring at the keyboard, staring at the monitor. i have to no idea what to write, yet i am so, so, so desperate for the scholarship. they are only giving out 3 for international students...what are my chances?

i know, i shouldn't be spending time blogging here, i shouldn't be worrying about being rejected, rather to focus on that personal statement.
but, i'm really scared. nervous. of being rejected.

because, if i am...it will costs my dad and my family a lot. i am definitely not from a rich family, i would say slightly better than average. my dad works hard for us. he started planning and saving on our education since we were born. but sometimes, money can never be enough. i know my dad agrees to support me financially and he's being very supportive and very proud of my being offer a place. i'm proud to be able to make him proud of me.

all of these makes me even more desperate for that award.

i think, this would be the thing that i wanted so bad, so desperately...till the extent that other problems in my life now seems so irrelevant, seems so minor.

i am so damn desperate now!