have you ever realise that it's so much easier to make many new friends, but to maintain one, it is so so much harder?

maybe i had always be naive in this kind of thing. i will think that so long i made the effort to maintain the friendship, so long i still care for that friend, be there for that friend,we will and always will remain friends.

guess i was wrong. it's time for me to accept the fact that maybe because that person doesnt want the same thing as i do. maybe it's time that i just move out of that so-called friendship.

or i may be misinterpreting that person's action. i may be wrong. but. what else can i do?

i don't deny that there was always a doubt in me, thinking whether is this so-called friendship worth me going through all these? i had been weighing this issue for a couple of months, and i am being extremely fickle-minded and i hated being in such a dilemma.

i don't know what else i can do now. the simple answer will probably be that i should just MOVE ON with my life and don't get bothered about this issue anymore.

it sounded so easy, but...how am i to do that? to do that would be quite a selfish act as it may affect the other people around me.

sigh.

well, at least i know that about 5 months from now, i would be able to avoid this whole issue completely. i know, it doesnt sound like a solution, but i suppose this is the best that i am able to do.

right?

i cant still remember last Sunday, when my lecturer said that she has 7 friends, and they are her friends since 10 years old. many of my classmates chuckled when she said that. but to me, i dont find it amusing at all. i mean, when i was just 17 years old, i thought that i have many,many friends. but i guess i was way too naive. i dont even know the definition of a friend. as the years passed by, the quantity of my friends actually reduces. i guess when u are 17, you call everyone as your friend.

today, after going through some really rough times last year, when my group of secondary friends split apart, those that survive that split with me, are truly the very few people whom i would be able to call as a friend.

i'm not saying that i'm restricting myself from knowing new people, i can always be there for those who needs me, but i know that when i myself is in need of people, there are only a few people whom i can turn to.