Mixed Feelings.

lately, i had many mixed feelings.as in, i know what i should or shouldn't do.i know what is the ethical thing to do, yet my actions are towards the complete opposite. and somehow, i manage to find some lame excuse to comfort myself, saying that i did the right thing,no matter how wrong it was.

then, just in a week's time, my sibling, a very close friend and a friend..told me my weaknesses.as in, part of my character that i should change.so just in a week's time, i learnt more weaknesses in myself and realised that how obvious my weaknesses are.some of it, i myself had known it for ages, and i'd been trying to change it.but the fact that a friend that i barely know can actually point it out to me,proves that i was unsuccessful in throwing this weakness away. don't get me wrong, though i'm not that close to that friend, but i was glad that he actually point it out to me, explain and tell me what i should do instead.

another weakness i know that i always had in me...i'm a very blunt person.i just blurt out my thoughts, almost never think of the consequence before. so, yea..i think i hurt many feelings for the past few years.wendy comfort me,saying that that doesnt mean that i'm a bad person.everyone had bad or mean or un-nice thoughts in their mind.just that they don't said it out loud.on the other side of the coin, means that this kind of people wouldn't hurt others, as easily as i do.

but even though i know what i should do instead, being me...i didn't change.i thought i tried, but there doesn't seem to be any positive result.

there are many other things that happened around me that made me had many mixed feelings.my friends, my surroundings...and...sometimes i hope that i didn't know what i knew now. *sigh* my post is not making any sense anymore.

that's it.