I'm Weak.

it's usually quite easy for me to stand up for myself, especially if i'm facing someone i loathed or dislike. or a total stranger that pissed me off.for example, last night i was in 1 Utama, i was rushing to meet my parents, so i was speed walking. and God knows why there was a patch of water on the floor, and it's no where near the washroom.i stepped on the bloody patch of water, and almost sprained my ankle.it was throbbing.i was so pissed off!what if i really sprain my leg... (not to mention the humiliation....) and i saw a security guard walking pass me..and i was thinking; hah!im not going to let this off easily...and i complained to the guard (and slightly raised my voice...) it's not that it helps anything, but..the satisfaction of making some sort of complaint... (Oh God..i sound so evil!)

but, when it comes to people that i'm in good terms with; it's hard to say no.in fact, i'm weak in standing up for myself.
there were various times that i felt that i was used up by those people.being taken advantage of.just today, again i let myself down.i hate myself for being so weak.because of these people, my good friends have to find a way to solve the problems that i brought myself into.and this is not the 1st time.

Ironic.

do you ever ponder about how ironic life is? last two nights, i was out shisha-ing with my friends AGAIN. the bunch of girls and benny as well. when we were talking halfway, a thought just hit me.

benny is someone i knew when i was in secondary school. we were not from the same school, but we went to the same tuition centre, and we were in the same tuition class. when i saw him few years back, i only remember him as the librarian boy with that orange uniform.
and now, few years later...we can sit on the same table, chatting and laughing our heads off.

and then, as i think back about my other friendships, then...
alex pop into my mind.

when i was in form 4, i worked in a tuition centre, i always see alex with another fella. somehow amongst the hundreds of student that centre has, i can remember alex quite distinctly. and few years later, he dated one of my best friends, and now...he is part of our group. - best friends.

and..as i am now sitting here, pondering about this issue.."ahhh...WINNIE..." we are best friends for ages...we knew each other from secondary school, and one day she suddenly brought a picture from her kindergarten times, she was on a school trip. she showed me the picture, and i was sitting just few kids away from her!!! though i cant remember knowing her during kindergarten, but...today, we're best friends...

*SIGH*
isn't fun, experiencing how life unfolds itself ?

i can't wait to see how my life will eventually unfold. don't you?

No Where.

I wonder...
I think...
and I fret over it...
and finally...
I knew the answer.
Unexpectedly.
Surprisingly,
I felt something pierce through me.
and where that leaves me?
No where.

Conservative Me.

A few days ago, I was in the pharmacy, getting myself a pack of wet tissues. Since only one counter is open, so I need to wait for a while. I was 3rd in line. Since I have nothing to do, and I'm alone..I was checking out the girl in front of me. Her appearance is what youths today would call "Cool" or "Yeng". She's dressed in a black top, black shorts. And her hair, is half black, half bleached. And since I was behing her, I noticed that she had a tattoo, inked on her neck. It's not that I've anything against tattoo...BUT, I was surprised to see what was inked there. "Made in Malaysia" Even the font is similar to those we found in buatan Malaysia product.... I was thinking .. "oookay, somone thinks that is cooooooool..."

Ok, I'm not trying to be critical. I know some people are critical towards mine too(namely MY SISTER)...but, "Made in Malaysia" well..ok, maybe it's a fake one..but it looks pretty genuine to me.

Since the cashier is taking her own sweet time, I manage to check out more about her. Including the item she's purchasing. When I saw her handing it to the cashier, my eyebrows automatically raised. It's a box of Durex. A BOX. Not a small packet. At that moment, I was thinking...Geez, her partner must be pretty cheapskate...He wants sex, and he can't get his own condoms...

After paying, I manage to have a glimpse of that girl's face. She looks way younger than me. Then again, I was thinking.."What is happening to this world?" It's not that I'm against sex before marriage (I'm not that conservative larh) but, the way people treat sex in such a casual way today, sort of undermined the whole purpose of love making.Look at the meaning behind it...it's about MAKING LOVE to do so, both party must really share a bond, loved each other like there are no other one...not just HAVING PLEASURE...

OK fine...call me conservative.

Just Because...

Just because i stare at you,
that doesn't mean i have feelings towards you.
It's just that i think that you're attractive,
for that moment.

Just because i bump into you,
four times in a short span of time,
that doesn't mean i'm stalking you.
It's just that that place is too small.

Just because i refused to give you my number,
despite the countless times you asked, or that you buy me a drink.
That doesn't mean i hate you.
It's just that i know you wouldn't call.

And lastly,
Just because I kissed you,
that doesn't mean I love you.
It's just that the alcohol speaks for itself.