hurt.scared.depressed.

since i started working, i know that there are more responsibility on me, and i know that it's inevitable that i would get stressed at times. and about enough sleep, even before started working, my sleeping hour has always been quite irregular. i can sleep for 15 hours a day, or just abour 2-3 hours a day for the entire week. i know that mentally i am able to handle the stress level. juggling between work, studies and socialising. but i guess my body cannot take it. my stress is all shooting out via my face. since last week, more acne came out. especially last week. and yesterday night, i was discussing with my mom and my sis about my condition. my sister was on isotretinoin last year, and it worked well for her. but she started consuming it back recently because her acne came back. though in a lesser dosage.

i was not on that medication because my previous skin specialist did not prescribe me that, in fact he stopped my antibiotics about a year ago. he told me that i don't need to consult him anymore, just have to purchase the cream/lotions.

but i suppose my condition is really severe now.

last night i was lying on my bed, thinking...about myself. my condition. it's like i lack so many things. i don't have the body. i dont have the face. and my face is covered with acne.

i know, it sounded so pathetic.

this morning i woke up, my face felt very pain. im not joking. felt swollen and it's throbbing at certain areas.

i looked into the mirror. few mega-big acne made its appearance. and it's those green type one. i was just so depressed about it. but, i couldn't just stay home for the rest of the day. i need to get my arse up, for tuition. i need to go to the bank. etc. etc.

after completing everything i needed to do, i went to another skin specialist that my sister recommended me.

and the specialist straightaway presribe me isotretinoin. for 6 months. i know that it's the most effective medication currently available. ofcourse, it ain't cheap.

but,i was scared. why? there are several side effects of consuming this drug. amongst others are birth defects - so i cant get pregnant in one year's time, dryness. and it would be the whole body including the eye, depending on each individual. and the one that i'm very scared that would happen to me is clinical depression.

i am scared that i would be depressed. that my emotions would be unstable. i'm worried. not to mention with everything that i'm currently going through.

so, my dear friends...if you guys are reading this, bear with me for 6 months. if i lost my patience, lost control, being so emotionally unstable. please, i don't intend it. it may be the isotretinoin talking.
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my face still hurts.