In the middle of the night...

i'm now in the middle of my company law assignmentl;i know what to write and i know how to write it.yet something is nagging me in my mind, which caused me to take unnecessary breaks. so here i am, glued in front of my desktop and doing other things like blogging, rather than sitting diligently on my study table with my books.

it's weird, i mean with christmas spirits all around me; holidays to look forward to..yet, part of me feel abit...well.down.to exaggerate a little, i'm feeling quite miserable. is it the bulking assignments that was given over christmas holidays?or the fact that i dont understand a shit in jurisprudence?or that i haven't read a bloody thing in my IP book?or that my EU book is so fucking thick that i dont even want to glance at one page?
despite all these, it's quite surprising that non of those contribute to what i'm feeling now.

7 Days.

In one week's time...BOTH of my best friends will be back!!!

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ALEX TANG and FUNG SOK TENG aka TIAN!

I missed both of them a lot! It's no longer the same without them.
Our yamcha session, chilling session, crapping session, clubbing session...will never be the same without their presence, laughters...

Once they are back, our group will be complete again! =)

I can still remember when Tian told us when she'll be coming back, that was almost a month ago..and now, just one more week to go!

Sigh...7 days...

Envy vs. Jealousy

i'm sure u have heard of the old saying, where a friend will stick to you, whether u're happy or sad.it was believed that a true friend will never turn her back away, especially when u're facing ur darkest moment.

for the past few years, i gain friendships, i lose friendships...i experienced friendship..then i realised that such saying is not that accurate.i mean,i've no problems sticking to my friends, even when they are facing problems in their life.i tried my very best to be there for them...

but, there were some times where my friend achieved greatness; and..i mean, im very happy for him/her...yet i find it so hard to be 100% happy for them.a small devilish side of me; felt a twinge of jealousy. or i'm just feeling envious towards them?i know the moment i fall into jealousy; im definitely not being a true friend anymore. yet the distinction between jealousy and envy is so fine, when will i know which i fall into?

does that make me a bad friend?perhaps i'm a terrible friend.and i'll never ever be someone's true friend...until i get over this problem.

depressed.

lately, i feel weird. i don't feel like myself anymore.
everything is weird.
emotions,feelings are all jumbled up in my tiny little mind.
i'm procrastinating like i never did before.
i said things that i didn't mean.
fretting about this with my bestie still didn't help.
i really don't know what to do.
i'm so lost.
i'm feeling depressed.

I'm Weak.

it's usually quite easy for me to stand up for myself, especially if i'm facing someone i loathed or dislike. or a total stranger that pissed me off.for example, last night i was in 1 Utama, i was rushing to meet my parents, so i was speed walking. and God knows why there was a patch of water on the floor, and it's no where near the washroom.i stepped on the bloody patch of water, and almost sprained my ankle.it was throbbing.i was so pissed off!what if i really sprain my leg... (not to mention the humiliation....) and i saw a security guard walking pass me..and i was thinking; hah!im not going to let this off easily...and i complained to the guard (and slightly raised my voice...) it's not that it helps anything, but..the satisfaction of making some sort of complaint... (Oh God..i sound so evil!)

but, when it comes to people that i'm in good terms with; it's hard to say no.in fact, i'm weak in standing up for myself.
there were various times that i felt that i was used up by those people.being taken advantage of.just today, again i let myself down.i hate myself for being so weak.because of these people, my good friends have to find a way to solve the problems that i brought myself into.and this is not the 1st time.