The Sad Truth.

there is this person whom i really look up to, and greatly admired.she inspires me to study, to research on the subject that she taught.basically she motivates me a lot, especially just months before my exams.whenever i did assignments for her, my purpose of handing up assignments is not just for the sake of doing it, but to achieve great marks from her, just a simple compliment from her, gave me some sort of pride.her simple request of photocopying my assignment/notes made me feel proud. much efforts were put in so that i would be able to achieve the highest marks in that particular subject just to make her proud of me.but...looks like i didnt study hard enough.im far from the highest.i dont know whether she's disappointed or does not feel anything about it.(after all that's happening lately seem to be the latter one) after finishing our 1st yr, time to chose one optional paper to do.i had some sort of dilemma in chosing what i want to study.the main reason i want to take subject A is because she's the main lecturer in it, other than being very interested in that subject.however, after weighing the pros and cons, i decided to take another subject instead.(which i didnt regret) after making this decision, my instincts tell me that things will definitely change as i wouldnt have her as my tutor anymore.as time passes by, there were some negative part of me (when i was with my friends) that was seen by her.as time passes by, i realised that she's not being that friendly to me anymore. as time passes by, i realised that i cant just approach her and just talk. i was really disappointed and a bit down by this whole situation. to make matter worse, she overheard me cracking a joke (which i "learnt" from another lecturer of another subject) about the subject that SHE's teaching.well...looks like...AS TIME PASSES BY, her perception or impression towards me will drop to negative. there's no one to blame in this whole situation but my own bloody mouth. but all the "negative parts" of me that she saw, is who i am. but i cant help feeling sad about this whole situation. the person who used to inspires and motivates now longer do so.