27th August 2009

27th August...Marks a few important moments of my life.

I left Bali having mixed emotions. sadness and joy were jumbled inside my heart. Sad as i'm leaving that place, knowing that sth was left there. I was joyed because in a way, i learnt something.

I found out that my final year result was released the moment I reached KLIA.

Moments after finding out about my results, what or how i felt, wasn't the emotions that i wanted to feel.

Every part of me was aching so badly. The feeling of helplesness was way too overwhelming. What can i do?
What should i do?

Whenever I see the word "congrats" or "congratulations" on Facebook, i felt even more depressed.
Can't they just keep their happiness amongst themselves? rather than publicly displaying it?

I Got a Feeling.

this week; had been a very extremely hectic week. not only im busy with work, meeting up with friends, YE camp etc.etc..yea. i know many of it i can choose not to do. like i can just stay at home instead of clubbing. i can just stay home rather than hanging out with my friends. BUT..that's what holidays are all about, right? we catched up with our friends and do things that we can't do frequently whilst we are still studying.


the point is, i had barely enough any sleep for the past few weeks. Today moring, I had to wake up early for work. Four hours of teaching. i was feeling extremely cranky this morning, not to mentioned it was raining heavily while i was driving over there. i just feel like screaming my lungs out.


then...suddenly, something happened that turned my mood over. i was listening to hitz.fm, and my favourite song was ON AIR! -- I Got a Feeling by Black Eyed Peas.


Somehow listening to this song, make me feel like i'm floating and i was singing it out loud. and i manage to gain back some cheerfulness and alertness.



unfortunately, this only lasted 3 hours plus. The last hour of teaching, i can feel my energy is draining out. i was fatigued! after class...i drag myself back to my car and drive home.


finally i reached home, thought i can have my breakfast. yep, it was almost 4pm yet i still haven't eat anything yet and mom bought me breakfast. then...my phone rang.and it's the "Final Countdown" ringtone, usually not sth good as it's a call from the Leos or Lions. It was Elaine, then i answered:
*i have to go for Leo Installation on the 29th, means it will burn another hole in my purse
*this junior Leo is not doing her job and it's messing up with my duty!

i just only heat up my noodle, i have to call this girl. and she's like totally whining into my ears, saying she has many things to do etc etc. HELLO, LITTLE GIRL, i helped u to find ur baju kurung, all u have to do is call Elaine so that she can pass it to u. Who asked u to skip meeting by giving ridiculous excuse? and just because u were sleeping at 4sth on a sunday evening, i have to apologise for calling u just remind u of ur OWN DUTY? all of us have our duties for the YE camp, we're organising the camp, not just about having fun,ok? little girl? please grow up.

ofcos, i feel like screwing her up through the phone, but im in the verge of losing my own voice after 4 hours of teaching, i calmed myself down just tell her what she have to do. i dont want my cultural night to be messed up because of her!

anyways, i gotta chill...chill..chill. after hanging up, finally i can get back to my noodles. CRAPS. it's cold edi. wth...i can't even have my 1st proper meal of the day. im just way too starved. i just gulped everything down.

barely get to sleep, it's time to go out for dinner with family. *yippppee*

i got home at about 8pm, bathed. I slept almost immediately...until today morning. finally, a 12 hours sleep.....

all i want to say is, if it's not because of listening to a particular song in the morning, i might be cranky the whole fucking sunday. yep.

Guilt?

sometimes, i dont understand people around me.i guess it's not surprising, because i have difficulty in understanding myself at times. there were moments where i know that i shouldn't be doing something. yet i'm doing it. or where i know i should, but i didn't. yea...it's all procrastination.

sigh. if rationalisation can dominate my mind more, i may not be having such feeling that i'm currently having. what feeling? guilt. guilt. guilt. sigh. what the hell is wrong with me?!